Green Daily

As we noted back in October, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) have begun a campaign to rename the aquatic beasts "sea kittens." Campaign coordinator Ashley Byrne has made the organization's position clear, stating that "Most parents would never dream of spending a weekend torturing kittens for fun with their families, but hooking a sea kitten through the mouth and dragging her through the water is the same as hooking a kitten through the mouth and dragging her behind your car."

There is not yet any word on whether PETA (also known as "the gerbil-brained tofu munchers of the liberal fringe") will follow up this assertion by dumping yarn balls and catnip into the ocean.

While PETA's dastardly plot to undermine scientific taxonomy has only been promoted in North Carolina, their plan to take it nationwide are already facing kickback, notably in Alaska, whose economy is dependent on the fishing industry. Mary Powers, a fisheries observer, noted, "It seems like it's discouraging Americans to buy our product, which is unpatriotic." Another critic cited errors on PETA's site, pointing out that fish are not even remotely as intelligent as the activists claim.

On the bright side, PETA's renaming of fish has, once again, made them appear so incredibly flaky that the rest of America's liberal causes seem almost conservative by comparison. On the downside, their campaign against one of the leanest meats may sway some gullible consumers away from a particularly healthy dish. One may hope, however, that fish (which I like to call "the tofu of the sea") will live up to its reputation as brain food, swaying its devotees to continue consuming it!