Green Daily

In an announcement that came late Monday afternoon, White House press secretary Dana Perino announced that a new strategic nuclear testing site had been approved for construction within the nation's largest wilderness area, the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Ending decades of debate over the pros and cons of allowing oil companies to drill in the region, Bush signed an executive order allowing a nuclear test facility, following it up with a short press briefing where he made the following statement:

"Uh, I guess that's that. We've simply run out of space to blow up things in New Mexico, with the urban sprawl and all that stuff. Now our nation will embark on a new era of nuclear exploration and explodation, hehe, in the ANWR province of Alaska, USA. Oh yeah, and another thing, there's going to be a Hummer dealership."

In a move to appease environmentalists -- who have voiced concern over the longterm effect of the nuclear blasts on native wildlife -- the Hummer dealership will offer the full lineup of Hummer's most eco-friendly vehicles, including the new zero-emissions EV as well as its E85 capable H2. According to Perino "Hummer will be providing scientists with a carbon-conscious way to traverse the majestic wildlife refuge as they inspect the damage. This is only a part of the administration's plans to curb greenhouse emissions and combat global warming."

The late afternoon signing had come as a shock to environmentalists world-wide, as well as to members of congress who heard the news on the radio as they were on their way to cheat on their respective spouses. Former Vice President and environmental filmmaker Al Gore called the move "insensitive" and "under-handed," closing the press conference with the question "can I please be President now?" Happy April Fools' Day.